What the Photo

Today we are going to explore the depths of the ocean and some of the pants-wettingly scary things that call it home.

Metroid?

Exhibit 1. The thing with eyes that can probably eat your brains through a straw in it’s mouth and then ride on top of you like some kind of body-snatcher.

This is apparently the blob fish. Yeah.

So the fact that these things are in the ocean makes me feel less bad about global warming. It looks like afterbirth.

I guess this is the astronesthes. More like ass-biting-tronesthes.

If Gollum from Lord of the Rings became a fish, this is what he’d look like. You know, if he’d worn that ring a bit longer.

Bathysaurus? That means it's prehistoric, and therefore DEADLY!

Look at those white, killer’s eyes. And that papery skin. It’s like a freakin vampire fish.

I believe this is simply Fangtooth. Aptly named. Now kill it.

It looks like an animated hunk of beef.

Hollywood still can’t conceive anything that scares the crap out of me faster than these ocean-dwelling monsters. Thank God I live in the good old land-locked state of Illinois, where the only thing we have to worry about is the $11.5 billion state deficit.